silent tree 9:24 PM

Saturday, September 18th

Outside our cabin at the ward retreat this weekend silently sat one lone little tree. Dwarfed by his big brothers but protected by the light. I just thought it was a cool picture.

giving thanks (day 1) 6:57 PM

Since this is Thanksgiving week, I thought it would be appropriate to post things I am thankful for.


On Friday at work we got a call for a 36 year old male having chest pain. Since normally young people with chest pain is BS (usually drunk) we groaned, left the middle of our tv show and headed over.

When we got to the house we met a large man who didn't look so great. My gut said he was having a heart attack so we went to work. The symptoms said yes, but the signs said no. Vitals were stable, EKG/12 Lead were normal sinus rhythm with no S-T abnormalities. I gave him some Aspirin and a Nitroglycerin and we moved him out to the Medic Unit. (to get to the point of this, jump to the * paragraph)

I looked for and IV, the big guy had no veins. Vitals were reassessed and his BP had gone up, so I gave him a second Nitro. I monitored him, kept looking for an IV and finally got a crappy one right before we got to the hospital. We walked into the ER with our probable heart-attack-on-a-cot, they sent us back to room 11. I was offended for my patient. (sidenote: people who they are actually worried about go to room 1 or 2) As I tried to give report to the nurse and tell her why I was 99% he was having a heart attack, she kept ignoring me. My blood boiled.

So I left the room and left the ER to sit in the Medic Unit to write my report and cool down. As I gathered all my EKG strips to copy I wondered if I had overreacted about the patient. Maybe he wasn't really having a heart attack. Maybe I was wrong. Joe came out with supplies and said they had moved our patient to room 1. "Good." I said, finally they were taking him seriously.

When I was done with my report I went back inside to get the MD signature and give them a copy of the report. The ER was a buzz with activity, the secretary was yelling about the helicopter being 20 minutes out, the doctor looked stressed. I turned out that my patient was having a right sided myocardial infarction (aka: heart attack, MI for short). I was right about the heart attack.

*My point. Right-sided MI's are treated differently than regular MI's because of the decreased preload. If you give a regular MI Nitro, it opens up the vessels and helps. If you give it with a right sided MI, it opens up the vessels and bottoms out the preload and your patient goes down the tubes. Read: you can kill them. To counteract this effect you have to dump more fluid into the patient. Since I did not have an IV established, I would have been helpless to fix it. I easily could have killed him.

So why did my patient's blood pressure go up after the first dose and stay high after the second? I asked myself that. I asked a nurse that. I asked the MD that. The answer is the same: No idea, it shouldn't have happened, the BP should have dropped like a an Acme anvil. It is times like this that I am very grateful. I wondered all night why. Why was I so lucky? Was the big guy looking out for me? Or was he protecting my patient? Was it a mere coincidence? Or Heavenly Father intervening?

It is times like this that I am grateful for Heavenly Father. I don't know what happened that night but I know that when I am out there, messing with peoples lives, Heavenly Father has my back. I know that He is not going to keep me from pain. I know that it is my responsibility to do the best I can to be the best I can. But I also know that when it is beyond my control, Heavenly Father can intervene. And I am grateful for that.

the temple 11:28 PM

photo by Weston

We went to the temple today. I love the Oakland Temple. It is the temple I grew up visiting the grounds of, the one that we go every Christmas to see the nativity and lights wound all the way up the palm trees. My parents were married here, so were both of my little sisters. I love this place.

Today what stood out to me was that in the temple we are all the same. The temple is no respecter of persons. Sitting in the room were 50 or so people made up of four or five different races. One person may have been a company CEO and another may have been a maid, one may have been an electrical engineer and another may have been a paramedic. But I couldn't tell. And it didn't matter in there; everyone is equal. I love that about our church.

applicable conference talks 9:19 PM

photo by jpstanley

I loved conference today. I loved the talks. I would list my favorites but there are too many and I feel a little guilty choosing favorites. They were all good. I was just impressed today by how many of the topics were so applicable to me. I don't know if that is a good or a bad thing. I guess bad because I have a lot to work on, but good because now I have some great wisdom to build upon. Hopefully I can take it to heart and maybe have less talks be applicable to me six months from now. ;)

tithing 5:28 PM

It was ward conference today and President Nixon gave a talk. Part of the talk was actually a repeat of one he had given us before but I was okay with it because it was a good one. He talked about tithing. He said that it is relatively easy to give 10% of your earnings, it does not require a major effort on your part. True, for me the hardest part is remembering to write the check. But how about tithing something more meaningful. How about tithing our time? 

He suggested that there are 30 nights a month and we should consider tithing 10% of those nights; three nights a month. He even went further to suggest that we focus on the three fold mission of the church:  One night for perfecting the saints - doing our home/visiting teaching.  One night for redeeming the dead - going to the temple.  One night for proclaiming the gospel - supporting the missionaries (if not comfortable with doing splits then maybe something as simple as taking them a meal). 

I really like this idea. It is simple and easy to implement. It gives you goals to strive for. Plus, lets be honest, they are things we should be doing anyhow. Just some food for thought. Happy Sunday!

little things from the big guy 9:21 AM

Sometimes it is the little things that remind me how much Heavenly Father is watching out for me. Take this morning for example: 

I was on the Quint (ladder) at work functioning as a firefighter. Firefighting makes me nervous on all sorts of levels, one of them being that I am afraid of being the last one in my turnout gear and on the apparatus therefore holding up the boys and the time it takes to get out of the station and to the fire. A minute can make the difference to what # truck you are on the scene. Later on the scene = Less fun you get to have. 

This anxiety triples A: when I am in the shower (time delay toweling off and putting cloths on) and B: at night. The boys bunkroom (and the whole station) has neighboring county's tones and dispatch streaming 24/7 so we can get a jump on the fires instead of waiting for the 2-3 minute delay for our dispatch to tell us about it. I cannot sleep with all the noise at night, so I turn it off in the girls bunkroom. So at night the boys would be able to hear the county dispatching us and wake up to run out to the Quint, and I would be snoozing for three extra minutes until our dispatch notified us of it. And with the promise of a fire that three minutes would seem like three days and the boys would be waiting on me to get up and out and into turnout gear and that would not make them happy. And it would make me embarrassed.

I have a point. Just after 5am this morning I woke up for no reason. I went to the bathroom. (Another one of my fears is having to pee while fighting a fire, not being able to hold it anymore and going in my gear.) I laid back down to go back to sleep and not more that 5 minutes later I hear a bunch of tones go off, familiar tones, so not being asleep yet my ears perked up (I can still hear the hallway speaker through the bunkroom door but it is faint). Yep, we were going on the house fire. So I bolted straight up and jumped out of bed. Pulled my pants on and speed-walked down the hallway and out to the Quint. The boys were right on my tail (how do they do that?) and we were off. 

I was so grateful that I happened to have woken up to pee (and get that out of my system) just before the county's tones happened to have gone off so I happened to be awake to hear them and get out there the same time as the boys. I know it is not a coincidence though, it didn't happen to happen. I know that Heavenly Father watches out for me. And I know that He is aware of my fears and concerns, as stupid as they may be, and I know that He sends me little bundles of help when I need them. I am sure they are much more abundant than I recognize, but this morning I recognized it. So I just wanted to thank the big guy for the little things He does for me every day.

wedding madness: wedding 11:59 PM

Day 3:

The wedding day was finally here. I woke up at what I thought was 9am and, although I was still exhausted, I thought I should get up and help out. Too bad it was 8am. My Mom had a couple lists to be done, so I headed to Safeway first to pick up stuff for the luncheon. After that Tamarin was up and we went with my mom to the farmers market for fresh flowers and a breakfast of Kettle Corn and Diet Coke. Then to the chapel to set up flowers. 

By this time it was getting late (T-minus 120 minutes to the sealing /wedding ceremony). Kristin had to be at the temple 60 minutes early, and we only had there 30 minutes early. Cheesecakes still needed to be bought and taken to the chapel. So we dropped my Mom off at home to go with Kristin and made the run to Costco (T-minus 90 minutes), to the chapel (T-minus 45 minutes) and back home (T-minus 25 minutes). I changed into my dress (T-minus 20 minutes) lost my temple recommend, thankfully Tamarin found it. I asked Tamarin if I looked okay and ran out the door (T-minus 15 minutes). WITHOUT looking in a mirror. WITHOUT showering since Thursday. WITHOUT makeup. WITHOUT doing my hair. I sped at a speed I am not willing to admit in writing to the Oakland Temple and made it ... T-PLUS 10 minutes. Luckily they waited for me. 

The ceremony was lovely. I admit that my eyes watered a little during the sealing. Kristin and Clay were so cute and innocent. Way too cute and innocent to be adults getting married. Crazy. But perfect. They are perfect for each other. I am so glad that they are married to each other for eternity. 

After the sealing I ran outside and grabbed my makeup, threw some on to try and makeup for my lack of showering. We took pictures. Lots of pictures. And then headed home for some lunch/dinner before the reception. Reception blogging tomorrow...

Vince, Bryce and Cathi. Mom. Kristin and Clay. Me. Dad.  (MIA: David)

Sorry Dad, this was the best picture of the family I had.

wedding madness: endowment 11:59 PM

Day 1:

Mom, Me, Kristin, Clay, Dad     *     K & Clay wanted me to post pictures of them kissing.

Flew into Oakland, my Dad picked me up in his truck, and we were off. It was so nice to be home. I love driving down the familiar streets of home. We headed immediately to the Oakland Temple for Kristin's Endowment. It started at 8pm (11pm my time). It was lovely. I got to sit next to her, she was so cute. Clay was there too. As well as Cathi, my parents, my Mom's parents and some Aunts and Uncles. It was really neat. By the time we got out of the temple, it was like 10:30pm (1:30am my time). We went home and slight chaos ensued. It was a late night, I think I was finally able to get to bed at midnight-ish (after 3:00am my time). It was exhausting. Regardless, being in the temple with Kristin and my family was really special.

We missed you David. 

jane's blessing 6:44 PM

Today I went to church up in Reston for Jane's baby blessing. She is cute and still has that adorable little butt chin. Bonus of going to Erika & Jon's ward is that this week was the Primary program. So instead of listening to boring adults speak we listened to cute little children recite words they coined themselves and sing the sweetest songs off key. I love family wards.

challenges 9:48 PM

Okay, challenges don't make me happy per se, but the growth one can gain while getting through them does.  If  I can get through them... 

I am a little stressed. Which is good I suppose. For the past year and a half things have been relatively easy for me. I have been lightly gliding through life not really needing alot from the big guy (because He had given me this abundance of blessings). As a result my prayers were also easy and light. There wasn't that closeness that I had felt in the past during humble prayer. I missed that feeling, although I was grateful for the break from hardships.

Now life has picked up the pace again and I am facing challenges that I know I cannot overcome on my own. This has lead to more earnest prayers and pleading to my Father for help. I don't feel like I deserve the help after my bout of light prayer, but I know He will help me regardless of my shortcomings. I am grateful for the humility that challenges bring and the sincre prayers that come from being humbled. I am grateful for my challenges. 

No sympathy please. This is not a post to make you feel bad for me. This is good. I am good. Well, I will be good. I brought them on myself and I am grateful for them. I swear.  :)

general conference 8:50 PM

The First Presidency - Henry B. Eyring (1st councilor), President Thomas S. Monson, and Dieter F. Uchtdorf (2nd councilor)

This weekend is General Conference. I love general conference. You would think that spending (what seems like) your entire weekend watching people give talks about church would be really boring. But, you would be thinking wrong. Okay, yes, sometimes I might nod off. But then another talk that captures my attention is given and I am hooked once again. I feel really lucky that the Church is so organized. I am grateful that twice a year we are able to hear the Prophet, a man who councils with Heavenly Father daily, speak to us and pass on those things that God would have us hear. We are really lucky. I feel humbled to able to be a member of this church.

 

Prop 8 10:04 PM

This is something that I feel strongly about. Eight years ago the people of California (myself included) banned together and voted for what we believe in. As a result we passed Prop 22 saying that marriage in California was between a man and woman. Earlier this year four judges in San Francisco decided that what they wanted was more important than what the majority of people in California wanted and overturned our vote, legalizing same-sex marriage. 

Voting yes on Prop 8 would place into the California Constitution those same words that we already passed eight years ago:

"Only marriage between a man and woman is valid and recognized in the state of California." 

While it doesn't directly effect me now, I know that this vote will have a huge impact on the future of our society. It will effect your children, my future family, their children (our grandchildren), and every single generations after that. Voting yes on Prop 8 does not take away the rights that same-sex couples already have under California's domestic partner law (the same rights that are granted to married couples).  It just protects the sanctity of the definition of marriage. The document below lays out how our society will change if this proposition does not pass. 

I do not usually share my political views because I have an aversion to arguing politics. But this vote is bigger than me and is worth sacrificing my comfort zone. It was worth sacrificing some of my money. And should it ever come to vote in Virginia it will be worth sacrificing all that I can and fighting tooth and nail to assure that the definition of marriage remains strong. I am sorry if this offends anyone, but it is how I feel. And this is my blog so I get to write how I feel. 

Another post about this issue can be found here. 

A special thanks to Annie for the idea to post and for the above link. And to my Mom for all the work she is doing in my home state and the courage it takes to do it. You and Dad are a great example to me.

the temple 7:39 PM

The Washington DC temple

I love the Temple. I am glad that there is one so close. When things are really crappy or when I need a bit of peace in the midst of my crazy sometimes-stressful life, I know that I can always go to the Temple. It is always sitting there, waiting for me to come visit. It feels like home in there. You know, comfortable like home.

tithing 5:58 PM

This picture has nothing to do with the post. It is just a picture of mine that I like.  :)

I paid my tithing today. It felt good to do it. I may have forgotten to pay it for a [long] while. With all of my bills dealt with online, I have a hard time remembering things that I have to pay by check. I wish you could pay tithing online; that would be the BEST. I was surprised and grateful to find I had the money to pay my long overdue tithing without having to dip into my savings (which is earmarked in its entirety to pay for Paramedic school at the end of this month); I didn't think I would. 

Wonder who I could talk to to get the ball of online tithing-paying rolling...

girls camp (warning: it's a long one) 11:53 AM

1. our group, 2. Ashley Hood, 3. YCL's, 4. 1st-3rd years,

5. rock climbing, 6. nature, 7. rappelling, 8. ropes,

9. leaders, 10. THE leader, 11. lunches, 12. chefs,

13. sous chefs, 14. water girls, 15. heart attack, 16. perfect

You know how the boy scouts get to go to scout camp every summer? Well our church is awesome and makes sure the girls get to go to camp too. Depending on where you live, who is in-charge, etc., the camps vary some. My camp in CA (Camp Ritchie) was THE GREATEST. We were in the Sierra Nevada's on a beautiful lake, went rappelling, canoeing, water skiing, on a 3-day hike up Half Dome, did crafts and learned the camping essentials. We slept in cabins (no a/c or electricity, just screens and wood bunks) and had the greatest "cook-ies" that made us the most delicious food. Man I miss camp. I went there 6 years as a girl and 4 years as a leader at waterfront - best job at there!

Camp here (Camp Misty Mount) was in the foothills of the Appalachians in WV. It was alot different then the camp I am used to, but was really good. We were grouped by wards, not years. I ended going up to help with the "Old King Franc" group (Franc pronounced like "honk" - because that's obviously funnier). It was all the young women from the Old Town, Franconia and Kingstown wards. Apparently zero adults from those three wards could get time off to go to camp so it was myself and two girls from other singles wards as their leaders. (pict #1) So that was fun. The groups had to make all their own meals. We helped the girls start the campfires, and they learned how to cook breakfast and dinner in the fire and on propane stoves. (pict #11, #12, #13, #14) We slept in cabins with electricity, no a/c or plugs, just lights. I would have given a million dollars for a/c up there. It was SO humid.

Humidity was the worst when hiking. The first, second and third year girls all go on hikes; starting with a short hike and by year progressively getting longer. Ashley went on the third year hike which was supposed to be a 5 mile hike, but one wrong turn ended up making it 8 miles. Oops. Before that day I judged them for having such wussy hikes, my fourth year hike was 3 days of backpacking 20+ miles to make it up to the peak of Round Top. But after that day I learned how much more taxing it was to hike in the humidity. I would have committed hari kari if I had to backpack 3 days in that. They asked me to go with the fourth years on their rock climbing "hike". Right up my alley; I was excited. I thought we would just like walk a little path to the rock faces. We did walk a little path, A LITTLE VERTICAL PATH. It was no more than 1.5 miles, probably only 1 mile, but it was at a severe angle for 2/3 of it. Carrying the climbing gear up the steep grade in the humidity, I sweated more on that little hike in then I did doing workouts in full turnout gear at the station or even on that fire. It was crazy.

We got to the rock, scouted out routes, watched and learned as the priesthood set up the rappels and climbs. (pict #8) The girls were awesome on the rock. They all overcame their fears and everyone rappelled and climbed. (pict #5 & #7) We took a break for lunch and to read scriptures for half an hour. It was amazing to be in the woods with 20 teenage girls and have complete silence as each of them sat reading and enjoying the peace and beauty of Gods creation. I may have broken the silence once or twice to take a picture from the spot I had scouted out to read at (pict #6). It was so nice. After that the priesthood set up new routes and we did some taller climbing and rappelling. The girls were worn out by the end, but it was a great day.

The next day we did archery in the morning. The priesthood set up a range and taught the girls how to shoot a bow and arrow. Everyone seemed to enjoy it, but no one took to it more naturally than Ashley. She was like a female version of Robin Hood. (pict #2) That picture was taken right before she got a bulls-eye. BTW: I don't know if I mentioned it earlier but Ashley went up as an assistant stake camp director. (pict #10) She was like the number 2 woman in-charge. She rocked! The girls loved her.

Then we all went to the lake just down the road. It was a muddy little lake. They rented canoes and paddle boats for the morning and swam. There was also a trail to hike to a waterfall, which I opted to join the girls on. By "waterfall" they meant "stream that runs down the rock face of a tall hill in a forest and happens to catch some air after going over boulders in a couple of spots and pools in a few rock divots". It was little but the girls enjoyed themselves. Have I said yet what a great group of girls we had at camp?

They were such awesome girls. It was such a diverse group, unlike any that I've ever seen at girls camp. Three girls drove up with me and two of them were excited because they had never been camping. "Ever?" I asked in disbelief. She said that they never had enough money to go camping. Which blew my mind. Growing up for us, correct me if I'm wrong Mom, camping was the affordable vacation. One of our girls had just moved here from Vietnam. She lived there her whole life with her mom, until three months ago when her mom married a LDS man and they came to VA. She is not a member, so her step sister flew out here from Utah to go to camp with her so she would know someone. They were so good together. I could go on about individual girls, but I think this is going to be a long enough post as is.

It was just so cool to see this group, that in an other setting would most likely not associate with one another, come together as friends. They all shared the same Chirst-like love that looks beyond outside appearances and social backgrounds and united them by core values, beliefs and faith. They all knew, or were somewhere in the process of coming to know, that they are all sisters and daughters of God. That they are all equal in God's eyes and that they all have an individual plan from a loving Father in Heaven. That He loves them and is looking out for each of them and will always be there for them when they just ask.

That is truly why I love girls camp. Sure the weather and the hikes and the activities are all that we talk about. They do make up part of your girls camp experience. But the most important experience any of the girls have at camp is the opportunity to gain and/or grow her own testimony of the gospel and her relationship with Heavenly Father. I am so grateful to have gone to camp as a girl and to have had that opportunity. I know that one week of the summer built up my testimony as a teenager and helped me make it through that next school year until I could get back to camp and do it again. Same thing as an adult, that's why I didn't mind taking off a week of work and flying back to CA every summer. I was sad when I had to stop. But hopefully I'll be able to go the full week next year and help out at this camp a little more. Okay, I'm done. If you made it to this point in the blog, I am impressed.

hope 11:07 PM

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, 

all ye that hope in the Lord.

Psalms 31:24

Today in sacrament they talked about hope. What a great subject! I love hope. Without hope, there would be no point in going on with life. Hope is such a positive and uplifting thing. Hope gives us something to look forward to, something to believe in. 

I came across this on the church website: "The word hope is sometimes misunderstood. In our everyday language, the word often has a hint of uncertainty. For example, we may say that we hope for a change in the weather or a visit from a friend. In the language of the gospel, however, the word hope is sure, unwavering, and active."

And thou shalt be secure, because there is hope

...and thou shalt take thy rest in safety. 

Job 11:18

When I get depressed or sad or frustrated or think that life in general sucks, I like to look up at the sky. It makes me hopeful. It allows me to take a deep breath and rest in the hope that everything will be all right in the end. That is part of the reason I enjoy clouds and the stars; why love looking up at the sky. The picture at the top was taken in the sacred grove in Palmyra NY. I was standing in the grove admiring the beauty around me when I looked up and saw the rays of light shining through and silhouetteing the leaves. I was so pretty.

I am grateful for hope. I have hope in Heavenly Father's plan for me. I have no idea what it is, but I know that it will be great. I have hope that when I do all that I can to follow His commandments I will be guided to those things that are best for me. I have hope like faith; my hope is sure, unwavering and active. I hope that those who are searching for this same kind of hope will be guided to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and experience for themselves this same hope that makes me the person I am today; that makes my life worth living the way I do. 

ps, If you do happen to stumble across this and want to find out about what gives me my hope then click here. Yep, I'm talking to you.

I await for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.

Psalms 130:5